Thoughts on Trust

I just began the book Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I'm only on page 5 and already have to pause my reading to reflect! Manning references an article by John Kavanaugh (America 173, no. 3) about his time at "the house of the dying" in Calcutta:

On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.
"What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I have clarity."
She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you will trust God."


What a concept! Often have I had the same prayer as Kavanaugh. I tend to think, "If only I had some clarity - then I would trust!" But how contradicting that is. The word trust means to have confidence or to hope, belief, faith. It seems to imply some degree of the unknown. Trust, rather than clear direction, is more a matter of commitment. It does not deny it's circumstances but instead frames those circumstances with the character of God. No where is a better example of this seen than the pen of David in the Psalms:

Psalm 31:13-15 (NIV) For I hear many whispering, "Terror on every side!" They conspire against me and plot to take my life. But I trust in you, Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.

So many times, I want the Lord just to map it all out before me: the right decision to every choice; the best answer to every problem. I ask for him to tell me the next step so that I can take it "in faith" - but, that is faith, isn't it! Taking a step and trusting God with it, when the outcome and sometimes even the step itself is unclear. Lord, I put my trust in you. For this step and every step, clear or not. Be glorified!

Right now, I am considering my first weekly challenge...I have lots of ideas, but am unclear (!) on which to choose... will I make a scene in public (this idea is being met with much enthusiasm from my husband and sister-in-law, as they know how I would rather eat worms than draw the public's negative attention to myself), or maybe go explore a cave (being somewhat claustrophobic, I'm having heart palpitations and sweaty palms at the very thought)...? I only have a few days left to make a decision and take a step, in faith.

Stay tuned!