Love vs. Fear

Two days ago, with trembling hands and shortness of breath, I published the link to my blog on Facebook. It was pretty ridiculous how vulnerable I felt doing that very small thing. But the more I think about it, maybe it was no small thing.

As I've thought over my upcoming potential challenges, I've noticed a common thread amongst the majority of them. Nearly all of fears I'm looking to confront boil down to a singular fear: the fear of what people might think of me. What a self-absorbed fear to have. At the realization of that, I instantly developed a new fear: the fear of becoming self-absorbed. And how ironic that in order to defeat the self-absorption I would write a entirely self-absorbed blog! Waves of shame rolled in and out as I thought of the implications - Am I a terrible person? Am I hopelessly emotional and border-line crazy?? Maybe I can't handle this. The mind is sometimes a mine field - and fear, whether it is a full-blown phobia or a much more subtle insecurity, has a dizzying way of talking oneself into and out all kinds of rationalizations and excuses to give up and quit. It's quite oppressive and yet oh-so-charming, isn't it?

Yesterday, I came across 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter in the Bible that some have nicknamed "The Love Chapter." Verse 4 begins those familiar words, "Love is patient, love is kind..." Remembering how I had been taught that God is in fact Love (1 John 4:16), I wrote the series of verses in my journal replacing each word love with you as a type of prayer to the Lord.

You are patient, you are kind. You do not envy, you do not boast, you are not proud. You are not rude, you are not self-seeking. You are not easily angered and you keep no record of wrongs. You do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. You always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. You, Lord, never fail.


I wrote those words and then read them back silently to myself, almost unfeeling at first. Then it dawned on me that I wasn't feeling much because maybe it was just so hard to believe that God really has that kind of love for me. I think I've always believed He loves me, but writing it in this way was so descriptive; so specific. Not easily angered? Always trusts and hopes? For me?

Maybe, for some reason, I have found it much easier to trust God with my circumstances than to trust Him with my worth.

I'm reminded of something I saw several weeks ago, as I drove to work on a rainy and windy morning. Driving down a busy road, I noticed in the bike lane a man and a boy on bicycles. The man also had a toddler or preschooler in a child-seat attached to the back of his bike. All three were wearing bright yellow ponchos to protect them (somewhat) from the pouring and gusting rain. While stopped at an intersection, the child on the seat curled up tight and tucked in as close as he could to his dad's back to further protect himself from the rain. The dad then reached one arm around behind him to hold the child's head in close. When the light turned green, he didn't move his arm but began to bike down the road with one hand on his handlebars and one hand holding on to his young child. Watching them, the thought popped in my head, "What a wonderful thing to have a father!" The father was doing the work, pedaling and maneuvering the wet and busy street. All that little one had to do was tuck in closely to his father, easily trusting in his dad's ability to get them to their destination safely, all the while being comforted by his presence. The older son was on his bike pedaling on his own, but remaining right behind his father for safety and direction.

That is just like our Heavenly Father's love! He knows who we are and what we are capable of right here and now. Just like the dad on the bike who did not shame his young child for not pedaling on his own or even for curling up close to stay dry, God does not shame us. He protects us and guides us so that when we are ready, we can begin to pedal on our own. I need that love! We all do. The beautiful thing is that it's already available and offered to us. How we need to know we have that love!

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." - 1 John 4:18
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." - John 15:13

Thank you, Jesus!